Science: Funny/Witty Chemistry Jokes-expomata

Some will find it funny and some will not(sense of humor differs from human human –I guess) ..

If you didn’t get a joke,you can ask and someone will explain it. Just look at it as another fun way of learning…

Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.

Asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite
He said NaBrO ….. hahaha

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says “We don’t serve noble gasses in here.”
Helium doesn’t react ….. Lol

Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.”
The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” —and he died…..

Q:What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A:HeHe …lol

Q:Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
A:He got Avogadro’s number!

A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, “Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it.”
The neutron says “Are you sure?” The proton replies “I’m positive.”

As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:
Anions aren’t negative, they’re just misunderstood.

The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

Q:What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A:A ferrous wheel.

Q:If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A:H2O cubed.

Q:What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
A:OH SNaP!

Neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, “For you, no charge”…

Q:What do you do with a dead chemist?
A:Barium ..

Q:What did one ion say to the other?
A:I’ve got my ion you….

Q:Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?
A:To reduce his carbon footprint.

Q:What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A:One molar solution… hahaha

A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. “Oh Bunsen, my flame,” the sodium pined. “I melt whenever I see you,” The Bunsen burner replied, “It’s just a phase you’re going through.” Lwkmd

Q:What do you call a clown who’s in jail?
A:A silicon…. lol

Q: Why did the noble gas cry?
A: Because all his friends argon…. Awwww

Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
A: SWAG…

Q: Why did Chlorine’s sisters Boron and Carbon lock her in the closet?
A: Because she was too attractive! .. lol

Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
A: They bonded well from the minute they met.

Q: Why did the white furry bear dissolve in water?
A: Because it was polar…

Q: What do you call a periodic table with gold missing?
A: “Au revoir” … hahaha

Q: What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon?
A: A CaNiNe

Q: What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron?
A: A KNiFe.

Q: How did carbon propose to Hydrogen?
A: With a “carbonkneel”…. aww. So cute

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na .. Lol

Q: What’s wrong with a joke involving Cobalt, Radon, and Ytterium?
A: its CoRn Y

Q: What is it called when Queen of England farts?
A: A noble gas …. Buhahahaha. This one cracked me up so bad

Q: What fruit contains Barium and double Sodium?
A: BaNaNa!

Q: How ugly is your mom?
A: Even Fluorine won’t bind to her!.. Lwkmd..

Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?
.. OMg!

Teacher: Describe hydrogen
Student: It is a prostitute element
Teacher: Who taught you that?
Student: You said it does not belong to a particular group and it reacts with almost all the elements in the periodic table.

What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
A: He was booked for a salt and battery….
Assault and battery… get it?

Q.. What is the name of 007’s Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond.

Chemistry Pick Up Lines

You must be copper and tellurium cause you sure are CuTe!

Chem students do it on the table periodically

You must be calcium bicarbonate, because if you let me get you wet, then the reaction will be explosive.

I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.

I wish I was an Ion so I could form an exothermic bond with you.

Are you made of Beryllium, Gold, & Titanium cause your BE AU TI full.

Those in NYSC camp should use this..
You must be a copper? cos I get excited anytime i CU.